From Chaos to Calm: Transforming Dinnertime with Kids

Introducing “A Rose & A Thorn” or “A Bug & A Wish” into your family’s mealtime routine can transform the chaotic energy into moments of connection and reflection. These simple yet powerful activities provide each family member, regardless of age, with a platform to express themselves and share their experiences of the day. By incorporating these exercises, you create a space where everyone’s voice is heard and valued, fostering a deeper sense of understanding and empathy within the family dynamic. Let’s dive into how these activities work and the positive impact they can have on your family life.

Mealtime in our bustling household of six is often a whirlwind of activity. Factor in my husband’s work setup and my role as a homeschooling parent, and we find ourselves gathering for three meals daily. Even before our fourth child arrived, we noticed the escalating challenge of managing mealtime dynamics, with everyone contending for their chance to be heard.

We knew we had to make a change, and fast! The solution we tried worked right away, and is still incorporated into our mealtime 3 years later. It was introduced to us by our parenting coach, Lorena Seidel.

We call this exercise “A Rose & A Thorn” and “A Bug & A Wish.”

Quick Overview

“A Rose & A Thorn” and “A Bug & A Wish” are two simple and effective exercises to heighten self awareness, enhance the ability to articulate feelings or events of a day, and feel validation within a family or group dynamic. 

What Do You Need

Nothing is required.

I created visual props since we first started this exercise when the children were just 5, 4, and 2. I felt like the visual props used in “A Rose & A Thorn” and “A Bug & A Wish” serve as tangible symbols guiding our children through the activity. Whoever is holding the props is the speaker. 

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Simple Rules

1. One speaker at a time.
2. It is not a dialog or conversation. The speaker simply shares and everyone else is an active listener.
3. Each member of the family will share.
4. It is meant to be quick. (We can accomplish this exercise in less than 10 minutes.)
5. Note: The hardest part about hearing each child’s thorn or bug is not wanting “to fix” it. This exercise is not intended for that, but it does open the door for possible coaching, repair, or life chats later. 
6. Bonus: My husband and I feel there is incredible value in our kids hearing our thorn & bug too. We face sadness, challenges, frustrations, & anger just like them.

Diving Deeper, Prompts 

In the initial stages of introducing this exercise to our children, some coaching was necessary to familiarize them with the process. We took the time to explain the purpose of “A Rose & A Thorn” and “A Bug & A Wish,” emphasizing that it’s a safe space for each family member to share their highs and lows of the day. We provided examples and modeled how to use the props effectively, encouraging them to think about their day and identify moments that fit into each category. As needed, we offered gentle prompts and guidance to help them articulate their thoughts and feelings, ensuring everyone felt comfortable participating. Over time, as they became more accustomed to the routine, coaching became less necessary as they embraced the activity with enthusiasm and confidence.

Below are some prompts to help get you started.

Prompts for Rose:

1. If you could rewind and relive one positive moment from today, what would it be?
2. Share one thing that made you smile or laugh today.
3. What was the tastiest thing you ate today? Why did you enjoy it?
4. Did you learn something new today? 
5. Describe a moment when you felt really happy or proud today.
6. Share a kind or helpful thing someone did for you today.
7. What was the most exciting thing that happened to you today?
8. Tell us about a special moment you shared with a friend or family member today.
9. Where did you see God’s beauty in creation today?

Prompts for Thorn:

1. Was there a time today when you felt sad or upset? 
2. Did anything happen today that made you feel scared or worried?
3. Was there something that didn’t go as planned today? 
4. Did you have any disagreements or arguments with someone today? 
5. Was there a task or activity today that you found really challenging? 
6. Did you feel left out or lonely at any point today? What happened?
7. Was there a moment today when you felt frustrated or angry? 
8. Did you make a mistake or mess up today? 
9. Was there something that happened today that you wish had gone differently? 
10. Did you feel misunderstood or unappreciated today? 

Prompts for Bug:

1. Did something happen today that bothered you? 
2. Was there a moment today when you felt annoyed or frustrated? 
3. Did someone say or do something that upset you today? 
4. Was there a rule or a situation today that you didn’t agree with?
5. Did you encounter something today that you found unfair or unjust? 
6. Was there a noise, smell, or sight today that bothered you? 
7. Did you experience any interruptions or distractions today that got on your nerves? 
8. Was there a task or chore today that you found really irritating or boring? 
9. Did you feel rushed or pressured at any point today? 
10. Was there anything today that kept bothering you even after it happened? 

Prompts for Wish:

1. If you could have one special thing happen today, what would it be?
2. Is there something you’re really hoping for today? 
3. What’s one thing you wish could happen today?
4. If you could make a wish for today, what would you wish for?
5. Is there something you’re excited about today? Share your wish with me.
6. What’s one thing you dream of happening today?
7. If you could magically make something happen today, what would it be?
8. Tell me about something you’re looking forward to today.
9. What’s one thing you hope will happen today that would make you really happy?
10.  If you had one wish for today, what would you wish for?

Incorporating “A Rose & A Thorn” and “A Bug & A Wish” into our family routine has proven invaluable for our parenting approach.

These exercises provide a structured opportunity for our children to express themselves openly, offering insight into their thoughts and emotions. Actively listening to their reflections fosters empathy and understanding on our part, demonstrating our commitment to their emotional well-being.

These two exercises encourage self-awareness and effective emotional expression in our children, empowering them to navigate challenges and develop resilience.

By participating alongside our children, we model open communication and emotional expression, fostering a supportive family culture where everyone’s voice is valued.

Overall, “A Rose & A Thorn” and “A Bug & A Wish” promote emotional intelligence, strengthen family bonds, and create a positive parenting environment, offering valuable insights and strategies for guiding our children through life’s ups and downs.

Are you ready to bring more connection and calm to your family’s mealtime routine? Try incorporating “A Rose & A Thorn” or “A Bug & A Wish” into your dinners and witness the positive impact it can have on your family dynamics. Share your experiences and insights in the comments below, and let’s support each other on this journey of fostering communication and empathy within our families!